Dense grey clouds carpet the sky blocking the sun from view. It’s not yet 2pm but it feels like dusk and it’s getting darker, as the rain begins to fall. The soggy leaves at the end of the driveway I was going to rake and shovel will wait another day.
Only a week ago, I returned from the Maldives where I visited my beloved who is currently based there working on a scuba diving liveaboard boat, guiding guests through the magic of the underwater world, sharing his knowledge and passion of the aquatic world.
It was the first time I dived with him and he taught me so much by how he dived and guided us to the right place to see what we wanted to see without scaring the creatures away. We had schools of eagle rays drift right in front of us as well grey reef sharks and white tip reef sharks circling close by. It was incredible.
Since my return, I have felt a strong pull inward as if I was a blooming red rose going back in time to become a germinating seed once again.
I have no inner movement, no urge to pick up my studies or pick up from where I left off or to be social, go out, or do very much at all.
I trust this process and the transformation it will bring, even if occasionally I wonder what will happen if I never feel the urge to pick up my counseling studies again (as I am halfway through my final year.) It’s just a thought I let sail on by.
Over the course of this year, alongside my counselling studies I have also been learning about the women’s mysteries. For a long time I have written about ebbs and flows and following currents and tides from my personal experience. I have regularly used process work in my personal therapy over the last 5 years. Now I have a greater understanding of how my personal cycle fits within the season and lunar cycles and greater flow of life.
We are just past the winter solstice here in the southern hemisphere. I am a handful of days away from my monthly bleeding time. I am writing this when it feels like dusk. Everything is pointing inward, towards winding down, going underground into the dark to sleep and dream. Yet at the same time we are also approaching full moon, and so my inner processes are heightened leading up to bleeding and the period letting go.
Amazing things happen beneath the surface.
Amazing things happen when we follow our inner guidance, inspiration, intuition even if that guidance is to be still and do nothing.
Just writing this blog on the spur of the moment has brought inspiration and insight to the questions I am contemplating and that have lead me inward. Now I trust my inner process even more.
The world we live in is one of connectivity, constant busyness and activity and work and achievement but we don’t have to live that way unless we choose to.
Just stop even if it is for one moment.
Take your attention inside.
Feel into your body for what moves or guides you.
With love and courage