Last weekend I attended a course on working with your spirit team including angels and guides. As our teacher went around the room asking each individual what they wanted to get out of the weekend, a shared concern emerged that I too shared: What if people think I’m crazy?
The underlying fear is that if people really knew what I thought or who I am that I could be judged, shunned, rejected, ostracised, abandoned or shamed. This fear keeps us hiding, conforming, wearing masks and pretending to be someone that we’re not. It can keep us stuck in outdated roles and delay us from living the life that we’re destined to live.
There are many ways I hold back my inner crazy around other people.
Sometimes I feel so moved by life that I want to break out into spontaneous movement or dance in public but I don’t. What would people think?
There have been times at work in my day job that I want to suggest we start a meeting with intentional silence so everyone can be completely present and arrive into the space ready to connect and listen but I don’t. It’s definitely not how things are done there in a very mainstream culture.
Even in my monthly women’s circle that I attend, I can find myself holding back my true voice when we tone. The sound that wants to emerge might be strange, gargled and primal. It might be shocking. Instead, I make a sweet sound that’s “acceptable.”
During the course, we spent some time discussing and unpacking this concept of being crazy and then gave our individual expression of crazy form, first just with movement, and then with movement and sound.
I waved my arms around, threw my head from sided to side, stomped my feet up and down and made “blblblblblbl” sounds as my lips and cheeks wobbled. There wasn’t a moment to be self-conscious because everyone in the room was expressing their own version of crazy.
Expressing my crazy was so joy-filled and empowering. I owned a part of myself that I had personally resisted and shunned. Now with my positive body memory of this experience, I’m less concerned about hiding my crazy self because looking crazy and feeling joyful and free is more important than looking and behaving how others think I should and consequently feeling constricted, soulless, sad and quite frankly, bored.
When we each give expression to our unique essence even when it looks crazy, we help those around us sense it’s safe to be exactly who they are too, even if they think it’s a little crazy.
As Sharon Blackie wrote in If Women Rose Rooted , “There are other ways to belong than those that were handed down to us.”
Our journey in life is to each walk our own path our own way, not the path of others. It is a journey that requires courage and vulnerability, and if by bringing out my inner crazy helps liberate others around me, I’m willing to do that, even if some people around me don’t understand it.
The thing that I’m most passionate about in life is freedom. Freedom within from the chains and beliefs and untended wounds that keep us stuck in repeating patterns and limiting ourselves. And therefore freedom in the outside world to live and express our unique spirits in the way they want to emerge.
I’m also passionate about supporting others to walk their own path. If you’re interested in bringing more freedom into your life or exploring your inner crazy, I am offering a limited number of free sessions via Skype. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to book a session.
With love and courage,