What if you just let yourself be a little crazy

Last weekend I attended a course on working with your spirit team including angels and guides. As our teacher went around the room asking each individual what they wanted to get out of the weekend, a shared concern emerged that I too shared: What if people think I’m crazy?

The underlying fear is that if people really knew what I thought or who I am that I could be judged, shunned, rejected, ostracised, abandoned or shamed. This fear keeps us hiding, conforming, wearing masks and pretending to be someone that we’re not.  It can keep us stuck in outdated roles and delay us from living the life that we’re destined to live.

There are many ways I hold back my inner crazy around other people.

Sometimes I feel so moved by life that I want to break out into spontaneous movement or dance in public but I don’t.  What would people think?

There have been times at work in my day job that I want to suggest we start a meeting with intentional silence so everyone can be completely present and arrive into the space ready to connect and listen but I don’t.  It’s definitely not how things are done there in a very mainstream culture.

Even in my monthly women’s circle that I attend, I can find myself holding back my true voice when we tone. The sound that wants to emerge might be strange, gargled and primal. It might be shocking. Instead, I make a sweet sound that’s “acceptable.”

During the course, we spent some time discussing and unpacking this concept of being crazy and then gave our individual expression of crazy form, first just with movement, and then with movement and sound.

I waved my arms around, threw my head from sided to side, stomped my feet up and down and made “blblblblblbl” sounds as my lips and cheeks wobbled. There wasn’t a moment to be self-conscious because everyone in the room was expressing their own version of crazy.

Expressing my crazy was so joy-filled and empowering. I owned a part of myself that I had personally resisted and shunned. Now with my positive body memory of this experience, I’m less concerned about hiding my crazy self because looking crazy and feeling joyful and free is more important than looking and behaving how others think I should and consequently feeling constricted, soulless, sad and quite frankly, bored.

When we each give expression to our unique essence even when it looks crazy, we help those around us sense it’s safe to be exactly who they are too, even if they think it’s a little crazy.

As Sharon Blackie wrote in If Women Rose Rooted , “There are other ways to belong than those that were handed down to us.”

Our journey in life is to each walk our own path our own way, not the path of others. It is a journey that requires courage and vulnerability, and if by bringing out my inner crazy helps liberate others around me, I’m willing to do that, even if some people around me don’t understand it.

The thing that I’m most passionate about in life is freedom. Freedom within from the chains and beliefs and untended wounds that keep us stuck in repeating patterns and limiting ourselves.  And therefore freedom in the outside world to live and express our unique spirits in the way they want to emerge.

I’m also passionate about supporting others to walk their own path. If you’re interested in bringing more freedom into your life or exploring your inner crazy, I am offering a limited number of free sessions via Skype. Email me at kym@kymwilson.com.au to book a session.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

Embracing fear, taking a risk

Fear rushes towards me. All of my cells scream “no!”

Don’t worry. I’m not in any real danger. I’m just sitting at my writing desk with my iPhone in my hand and my thumb hovering over the share button of a Facebook post.

I’m on the verge of putting my first holistic counseling service offer into the world and it feels like I’m about to step off the edge of a cliff and go splat in a way that not even the ever flexible Gumby could recover from.

IMAGE SOURCE: https://shannoncrane.files.wordpress.com

IMAGE SOURCE: https://shannoncrane.files.wordpress.com

I don’t have to do this, I know. Nobody’s making me do it. I could delete the draft post, put the phone down and just walk away, or I could use the classic deferral tactic and tell myself I’ll do it next week or another day and that day will come and I can just defer it again.

But you see, this is what my heart wants:
To take risks even if I might fail.
To offer what I have to give even if there is no one out there to receive what I have to offer.
To support other sensitive souls through their doubts and fear so that they can step towards their dreams and callings and give their gifts that the world so desperately needs.

My heart has wanted this for a long time, but it’s my mind that has surveyed the future and identified all the potential risks, harm and downfall. (Risk management assessment is a particularly strong skill of mine that has helped me succeed in the business world.)

My mind protests loudly. It digs its heels firmly into the ground. “You’re not going any further. You’re safe here where you are,” it asserts.

For a moment, I contemplate not taking that step and I feel like this…

 
IMAGE SOURCE: coachingforinspiration.com

IMAGE SOURCE: coachingforinspiration.com

 

Yes, this is what playing it safe can look like on the inside. Try the posture on yourself. It doesn’t feel very good.

Our protective parts will do anything to keep us safe.

They make up a lot of stories, often of the type that don’t have a happy ending.  They tend to overlook the potential for success, freedom, and joy.

They can speak very powerfully with authority but they actually don’t know what the future holds. Nobody does. The only way to find out is to go there.

Whenever we take a risk, fear can arise. It’s a normal response especially when we think of risk in terms of danger or uncertainty instead of opportunity or even thrill. Fear can be heightened for those who are highly sensitive like me.

I don’t believe there is a standard approach to facing and crossing these edges in our lives. We must determine our individual response each time we face an edge that is unique to our life and who we are.

Sometimes the response that feels right is to feel the fear and leap.
Sometimes, we must stand at the edge for a while dreaming into what lies on the other side.
Sometimes we must walk up to the edge then walk away many times before we are ready to take that step.

This time I stood at the edge with fear rushing towards me. I slowly leaned towards the edge of my known and unknown worlds, millimetre by millimetre. As I did, I came into closer contact with the fear.

I held my ground and just felt the sensations that were in and around my body as they grew and grew until I realised it wasn’t actually fear I was feeling.

It was my very life force rushing through me.

All of my cells pulsed with aliveness, not fear. It’s an aliveness I feel now in my body as I write about that experience and further embody it. It’s an incredibly strong power and vibrant light.

Fuelled by my aliveness not fear, I pressed share on that post and published it on Facebook. And guess what?

My world didn’t end. 

I didn’t splat onto the ground. I didn’t get the outcome I hoped for but nothing bad happened at all. Instead something very unexpected happened. I came into direct contact with my own life force and power.

Marianne Williamson wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

The way to liberate yourself from fear is not to turn away from it, not to bypass it, not to step over or around it but to allow it to be there and consciously build your own relationship with it.

Slow down here. Don’t rush. This is hallowed ground.

Be curious about about your fear and the sensations in your body. Is it really fear you are feeling? Ask it questions and check how true the response is. Dialogue with it.

Investigate your beliefs about taking a risk or achieving success.

Feel your way through it into your own power. It’s right there waiting for you.

Is there something you’re afraid of that’s holding you back? I’d love the opportunity to support you through it.  Consider working with me 1:1.

With love and courage,

kym2 copy.png
 
 

Not just one way

Not just one way

"Freedom is the oxygen of the soul" ~Moshe Dayan

Once again the silence and stillness wraps around.
No impulse to move or to speak,
only be here now amidst the rapture of breath.

Again I have broken the vow I made to myself
only now to ask:

who is the one that demands that I am consistent and why?




 

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Be like driftwood

Be like driftwood

So when your original plan fails, what do you do next? Do you come up with plan B?

Maybe. 

Or maybe you recognise that it was your human planning and deadline setting and trying to make things happen that resulted in what you experienced in the first place.

Maybe your plan really was as David Whyte says, "...too small for you to live."

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