Softly, softly the tender heart

 

Softly, softly the tender heart

aching with a sensitivity that longs to be cradled.

Pause, here in this moment.

Don’t turn away to the escape of distraction.

Your to do list can wait.

So can your emails, messages, notifications

and everything else that’s happening in the outside world, 

especially everything in the social sphere.

Here now is your overdue task:

Loving your own heart exactly as it is  with all it’s pain, fear, confusion and sadness.

Stay here, and love your heart.

Don’t turn away.

Don’t abandon it 

because you don’t know what to do with everything that you’re feeling,

or how to make the feelings stop or go away.

Instead stay here and be tender.

Hold your heart as you would hold a scared or crying child.

Love it gently and relentlessly so it can rest safe in your own care,

so that everything it’s really not can dissolve

back into the angelic arms of your own love.

With love and courage,

Kym xx

This wise nature that heals...

This wise nature that heals...

I came to the sea to just be.

To let the wild wind carry away all the stressful thoughts about not being able to get everything done, not knowing enough, my fear of failing and the invisible implications of not getting it right.

I roared with the wind.

I followed the dogs running excitedly along the wet sand and shook it all off.

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To walk is joy

To walk is joy

“Movement is the song of the body”—Vanda Scaravelli

The sky is denim blue as I leave the house and the oak tree is a charcoal bushy silhouette against the glowing horizon.

Today for the first time in two months I feel an honest urge to go for a walk—not for health or fitness or to train for some crazy long-distance walk but because my body feels like walking.

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What keeps you going when the going gets tough?

What keeps you going when the going gets tough?

"If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us" — Daisaku Ikeda

...I have wept tears lying on my bedroom floor. I have rocked my pain-filled hip as if it were my own child that was filled with pain and crying. I have woken day after day and lamented that it’s not the day that I go back to normal life again. But the truth is I never will. This pain has burned me to ashes.

Throughout this pain-filled journey, there are two things that have kept me going...

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Grief at Christmas and the joy that isn't happiness

Grief at Christmas and the joy that isn't happiness

"From joy all beings have come.

In all joy beings are sustained.

To joy all beings return.

This is the highest teaching.

This is the highest teaching."

—The Upanishads*

We are now on the eve of Christmas Eve. This time of year is supposed to be filled with joy but for many it isn't. Many experience sadness, grief, loneliness, fear and anxiety and can especially struggle with those feelings during a season of expected festiveness. This I know.

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Homecoming

Homecoming

So many times over the last few weeks I have sat down to write about what has happened since I left London to drift. Each time I felt like I was in the word version of a snow dome: words and sentences danced around my head but didn't come together to form what I wanted to say.

Sometimes life is messy and chaotic and it doesn't seem to make any sense and we don't have to make sense of it although we may try. So here I am, again, trying.

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The best worst days of my life

The best worst days of my life

“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.”—Paul Coelho

The eternal optimist, I kept on hoping and believing that my body would heal so I could walk from Rome to Jerusalem.

When I started to accept that even if my body did miraculously recover in the next few weeks that the distance and duration of the walk might turn out to be too much I started flirting with the idea that walking the Camino Frances to Santiago de Compostela could be a possibility instead because the total duration and distances between towns is shorter.

Yes, I was still thinking about walking somewhere even as my body was screaming out “no friggin’ way” and cramping down to protect itself— even on the days I could barely walk 40 minutes without having to sit down because of the spasms and pain. 

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