What if you just let yourself be a little crazy

Last weekend I attended a course on working with your spirit team including angels and guides. As our teacher went around the room asking each individual what they wanted to get out of the weekend, a shared concern emerged that I too shared: What if people think I’m crazy?

The underlying fear is that if people really knew what I thought or who I am that I could be judged, shunned, rejected, ostracised, abandoned or shamed. This fear keeps us hiding, conforming, wearing masks and pretending to be someone that we’re not.  It can keep us stuck in outdated roles and delay us from living the life that we’re destined to live.

There are many ways I hold back my inner crazy around other people.

Sometimes I feel so moved by life that I want to break out into spontaneous movement or dance in public but I don’t.  What would people think?

There have been times at work in my day job that I want to suggest we start a meeting with intentional silence so everyone can be completely present and arrive into the space ready to connect and listen but I don’t.  It’s definitely not how things are done there in a very mainstream culture.

Even in my monthly women’s circle that I attend, I can find myself holding back my true voice when we tone. The sound that wants to emerge might be strange, gargled and primal. It might be shocking. Instead, I make a sweet sound that’s “acceptable.”

During the course, we spent some time discussing and unpacking this concept of being crazy and then gave our individual expression of crazy form, first just with movement, and then with movement and sound.

I waved my arms around, threw my head from sided to side, stomped my feet up and down and made “blblblblblbl” sounds as my lips and cheeks wobbled. There wasn’t a moment to be self-conscious because everyone in the room was expressing their own version of crazy.

Expressing my crazy was so joy-filled and empowering. I owned a part of myself that I had personally resisted and shunned. Now with my positive body memory of this experience, I’m less concerned about hiding my crazy self because looking crazy and feeling joyful and free is more important than looking and behaving how others think I should and consequently feeling constricted, soulless, sad and quite frankly, bored.

When we each give expression to our unique essence even when it looks crazy, we help those around us sense it’s safe to be exactly who they are too, even if they think it’s a little crazy.

As Sharon Blackie wrote in If Women Rose Rooted , “There are other ways to belong than those that were handed down to us.”

Our journey in life is to each walk our own path our own way, not the path of others. It is a journey that requires courage and vulnerability, and if by bringing out my inner crazy helps liberate others around me, I’m willing to do that, even if some people around me don’t understand it.

The thing that I’m most passionate about in life is freedom. Freedom within from the chains and beliefs and untended wounds that keep us stuck in repeating patterns and limiting ourselves.  And therefore freedom in the outside world to live and express our unique spirits in the way they want to emerge.

I’m also passionate about supporting others to walk their own path. If you’re interested in bringing more freedom into your life or exploring your inner crazy, I am offering a limited number of free sessions via Skype. Email me at kym@kymwilson.com.au to book a session.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

Wholly knowing silence

Dear ones

I was just making some final edits to my intended blog post about packing lightly and living reverently when I accidentally deleted the whole edited post. I tried desperately to recover it without success. It is unretrievable.

I don’t think it’s a mistake that I deleted the intended blog post. Life works quite mysteriously at times.

I don’t have enough time to re-write the post tonight, so I sit quietly and wonder what to do..

Then I remember that what I have really wanted to offer you is a holding space of deep, healing silence, although I haven’t known how to offer that in a blog that requires words until now. Through mishap and silence, this is what spontaneously emerges….

 

My invitation to you is to take a few deep breaths and feel how life is supporting you right now. Maybe you are supported by a chair or seat of some kind, or the ground beneath your feet.

Notice how your breath moves in and out of your chest. Brining new life. Releasing what is old.

Maybe you can hear sounds, birds, traffic, voices.

I invite you to listen more deeply.

Beneath the noise is a container of silence all around you. It is protective and nourishing. Calming and soothing. Just listen and feel.

Take a few moments out of this often busy, rushing, noisy modern world we live in to feel rested and renewed and totally supported.

From this place of deep silence, maybe there is something that wants to be known to you, something that will serve your life and journey now. Or maybe it’s just the silence you need to know more wholly. Most of us do.

Whether you receive words or silence, it is all a blessing. You are held and supported right here and now. Breathe and rest here.

.All is well.

 

With love, courage and the peace of silence,

Kym xx

The constant inbetween

Dear ones

This week I recommenced a regular walking practice. I call it a practice because I don’t just walk for exercise, I walk to see the world around me slowly on foot, and to invite inspiration for writing as well as for inner knowing and guidance on my life path.

A few nights ago, I left the house a little later than usual, it was very late dusk but not quite nighttime. As I walked I reflected on this particular time of day where it’s not dark, but not light. It’s an inbetween time. And I remembered this poem that I wrote while I was walking the Via Francigena pilgrimage route…

 

You see the road

stretch long before you.

Just as you begin to fall

into despair’s embrace,

you are caught by grace,

set back on your feet,

to do the one thing

you know you can do;

take one step

then one step more.

You are here

where you have

chosen to stand.

The goal is never arriving,

which of course you will

then leave again.

Accept there will always

be a long road,

a coming,

a going.

That stillness you crave

only a temporary possibility.

Let go of the clinging

and the desire

to be other than where you are.

Learn to love this life

in the constant inbetween.

I wrote this poem on Day 15 of my Via Francigena pilgrimage while I was walking from Laon to Corbeny in France. While it was only a 27 kilometre walking day, I felt like I would never make it to Corbeny and that I would be walking forever. To distract myself, I decided that I would write as I walked. I asked for inspiration, opened up a writing app on my Ipad called Textilus and this poem streamed out. With it came a deep peace and acceptance of where I was on my journey and trust that I would arrive when I arrived as I had done for the 14 days I had been walking.

For me, this simple realisation (and re-realisation) of living in the inbetween still brings me much peace and acceptance in my life now. I am inbetween leaving a career and starting a new one but I am filled with peace and faith that I am being guided and supported by life no matter how slowly things seem to unfold.

I hope that this realisation serves you in your life too.

And if you are contemplating a journey such as Via Francigena, I hope you will trust the whispers of your heart urging you to go. The calling is sacred. The insights that are waiting to be revealed to you may continue to serve you for the rest of your life too.

With love and courage,

Kym xx

Go wander

[I am currently in Italy with my husband and his family for the Christmas holidays. This is a re-share and small update of a poem that I wrote a few years ago.
To create change in your life, you have to do things differently.
Open up space for nothingness so new inspiration can come through.
Step off your current path so you can experience something new.
Be willing to become lost. You will see new things. See the world differently. Strengthen your intuition and connection to your soul.
Be willing to let go of the life that you currently have. Be willing to wander and experiment.]

Let go of your schedule, your timetables, your calendar, your planning, your busyness and your need to make your waking moments productive.

Go outside, exactly as you are. Go to a park or a forest, a beach, your backyard or any space you have longed to explore.

Let your feet follow your eyes re-opened as if born anew and seeing for the first time.

Go to what calls your attention, to what flirts with your senses with its bright pretty colours or intriguing patterns and shapes.

Let your mind rest and your life force move you.

Wander without aim, without rules or constraints.

Wander with curiosity.

Wander with faith in its aimlessness.

Wandering produces nothing yet yields everything.

Wandering reclaims the instinct of your soul cut off the moment your life became ruled by your calendar and time, your to do lists and busyness, and the idea that you have to make something of your life for your life to matter instead of living fluidly as an expression of joy.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

The unseen affect of your inspired action

We never truly know how what we do or say affects another person. We’re not in their bodies to know how it feels for them, and often we don’t get feedback from them as the wave of life takes us in different directions. If we did, I think it would inspire us to be more kind and to take more inspired action. But in the absence of feedback, we must surrender and either trust our action or imagine the affect it has, that our intention to offer kindness, love, encouragement does just that.

I want to offer two stories about the unseen affect of taking inspired action: one as the receiver and one as the giver.

Receiving

Recently I was surprised to receive the most beautiful email from one of my blog readers, who I will refer to as G. She took the time to share some of her personal journey with me and told me how perfectly timed some of my articles have been for her and how they have touched her in different ways. Her words landed inside me deeply. I cried as I read the email.

Sometimes, I doubt what I’m doing. It was around a year ago that I first had the inspiration to change the name of my blog to Sacred Reminders for Courageous Hearts. My inner critic reared up her nasty head asking me who was I to think I could write sacred reminders? I doubted if I should do it. It took me months to actually do it.

Sometimes I write posts and I get feedback. Sometimes I don’t. But the absence of feedback doesn’t mean that my offering or your offering for that matter hasn’t made a difference. No feedback is just no feedback.

Borrowing the words of George Michael, sometimes “you gotta have faith.” Keep following your inspiration and trust it. The affect of it may just be unseen.

I am so grateful that G felt inspired to write to me and acted on it. It was a simple, free but great gift that has deeply touched my heart and inspired renewed energy and commitment to my writing and following my inspiration.

Your kindness, encouragement and belief in another person may be just the medicine you didn’t know they needed.

Giving

A few years ago when I was in London, holed up at my friend’s place and unable to undertake my planned pilgrimage from Rome to Jerusalem due to my seized lower back and hip problems, I experienced a most beautiful and intimate moment of inspired action.

I was walking back to the underground station after receiving a massage to help my body heal, when I walked past a small, old woman with white hair pulled back in a bun sitting in a doorway with her bag of belongings next to her. The street was busy and many people walked past her without even looking at her. I saw her and walked past too but I experienced a strong inner directive to go back and speak to her.

Her name was Mary. I squatted beside her and spoke to her. She told me her story about how she had become homeless, a story of family relationship breakdown and misfortune. I listened and asked questions.

Then I felt another inner directive to offer her a hug. This is not something I usually do. At first I felt resistant, then awkward and shy but the inner directive was strong. So I asked her.

“Mary, would you like a hug?”
Her face lit up and her blue eyes beamed.
“Yes please,” she responded.

I wrapped my arms around her and she wrapped her arms around me and we hugged for a long time. When our time together felt complete, I gifted her some money to get a room for the night, and held her hand for a few moments.

“I wish I had a daughter like you,” she told me.

I looked lovingly into her eyes and then left.

I don’t know what lasting affect if any that moment had on Mary’s life. I like to hope that she felt love and kindness, and that the memory of that moment might help her keep going through tough moments.

What I do know is that it has had a lasting affect on me. Even now, three years later, I think of Mary and wonder where she is, how she is, if she is still alive. I feel a great love and tenderness in my heart. It makes me want to be more kind, more generous, more giving.

Taking inspired action, creating and offering anything that is inspired including love and kindness has an extremely positive affect on your own heart and energy field.  Maybe no one will ever see your artwork, read your poem or book, or receive or acknowledge your heartfelt offering. But following your inspiration and offering it regardless of how or if it will be received by anyone else feels really good.

Inspired action increases your energy and creativity and makes you feel more positive, radiant, and joyful. And so by default without even knowing, you will affect anyone you come into contact with.

Resist, avoid or hold back on your inspired action and you will most likely feel miserable and others will feel your misery. But by flowing with your inspiration and doing what you love, your inner fire will glow brightly and others will experience and even absorb some of your radiance.

You might just light them up. You might just change their moment, their day, even their whole life.

Your inspired action matters.

You matter.

With love and courage to you all and deep gratitude to G and to Mary,

Kym

xx

What you are capable of

When you are tired and your feet are throbbing from the forty thousandth step and the fourteen kilos loaded on your back.

When your hips muscles spasm rebelling against the thirtieth kilometre you have walked today alone.

When your body is crying its song of pain only you can hear and begging that you stop.

You do not.

You question why you do this day after day and if it is the only way to find what you seek.

But each morning you still wake to walk, and you keep going until you reach the place you know you must be to find shelter and warmth and nourishment to thank your body for its service despite its complaints.

As you pass through another village, the chalky smoke of old fires burning invoke desire for rest.

The dark whispers tell you that it’s okay to stop, that you can quit and just go home.

But your spirit surges through your heart, strong and determined.

It tells you, laughing kindly, that you still don't know what you are fully capable of and you will never know if you skirt the flames.

You did not come into this world to live easy.

You came into this world to find out who you are and to discover the enormity of your own power.

You came into this world, to live this ordinary human life extraordinarily.