For the days when self-doubt is LOUD…

Photo by Jason Rosewell

Photo by Jason Rosewell


There will be days when you are in your stride, your inspiration is high and everything is flowing effortlessly and unfolding steadily like a river.

Then there will be days when it feels like the path has dropped away and a fuzzy grey light has replaced what was once a clear view to the horizon, and no matter how hard you dig and scavenge, recalibrate your internal GPS and search, the path seems lost and you just cannot find what was once so clearly set out before you.

There may also be days when the path ahead of you is so steep and winding and relentless that you don’t think you can go on, and you can’t remember what you were climbing towards or why.

When those days come, don’t panic and definitely don’t give up. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong and it doesn’t automatically mean that you have lost your way.

You may hear a voice that tells you it is all too hard, that you should go back down the mountain to the old straight path that you once knew like the back of your hand, where it will be safer and easier and you won’t have days like this, where you have no idea where you are going or if you’ll ever make it.

When you hear that voice and it tells you to give in, don’t berate it but don’t believe it either. Simply wrap your arms lovingly around the one who is scared and doubts and let her know that she is heard and that she’s okay.

You are simply passing through the dark forest of confusion. Darkness often comes before any great illumination. Take what steps you can and take some time to rest and give yourself your best self-care.

With love and courage,

Kym
xx

On the edge of aliveness, not fear.

Photo by Nathan Anderson

Photo by Nathan Anderson

Sometimes when we are scared, we stop at naming it as fear rather than feeling through it and experiencing it fully.

I wrote this poem after a morning meditation where I journeyed to the edge of my known and unknown world. Fear arose but I sat at the edge and this is what was revealed to me...

 

Take me to the edge of the edge

of this life that I know

and let me breathe here for a while

looking at the cosmos

of possibility before me

constantly rearranging itself.

I may say that I want to leap

and free fall through it all

but we both know that’s not true.

So let me sit here for a while

attuning to the beginning

of what’s to come

while celebrating what has been

and where I am

on this vast frontier called life.

Like a child, I may return home

to my safe haven

and the comfort of what is known

before coming to the edge

to explore again.

This coming, this going

is the pulse of life.

Sit at the edge long enough

and you will become one

with aliveness.

You will know

that anything is possible

and that nothing is as well.

You will know

that falling is not failing,

they are different words,

and failing does not matter,

it never mattered,

but aliveness does.

Stay in your comfort zone

and you will live

a life of atrophy.

To live while you’re alive

is always to be on the edge

of great failure

and great success.

In the end there is only one

and it doesn’t matter what you call it.

What you think is fear

is not.

What you feel as fear

is not necessarily what you think it is.

Feel into it further than just naming it

and you will know

that fear was only ever the edge

of this,

of being alive.

Stay with the aliveness

and all the noises

of fear and self-doubt

will calm down.

Your judgment of good and bad,

right and wrong,

success and failure

are getting in your way.

Remove them

and there is no barrier,

only endless creativity,

exploration and experience.

Isn’t that what you’re really here for?

 

With love and courage,

Kym
xx

Before you dismiss that crazy idea you have, read this…

Photo by Austin Chan

Photo by Austin Chan

Some 15 years ago when I was committed to my career and worked as an executive manager in a listed financial services company, I suddenly started feeling the urge to paint (as in art not house walls or fences.)

It was easy to dismiss at first as a “crazy” idea. I wasn’t great at art in high school. I got a C-grade in the last ever art class I took in year 8. That made it go away for a while.

But it came back, like a little kid tugging at my pant legs trying to get my attention.

Go away, I told it annoyed that it was there again.

I’m not an artist. I’m not good at art

And that made it go quiet for a while.

But it came back again and again and kept nagging at me no matter how many times I tried to dismiss it until it became pretty insistent.

So I became curious about this urge to paint and inquired within myself. Why was this urge here? What did it want of me? What did it want me to know?

I discovered that I didn’t want to learn the techniques of painting but that I wanted to explore with paint and have fun with it. Although I didn’t really understand why I had the urge to paint I stayed open to the idea.

Eventually I found an intuitive painting workshop just down the road from me. My inner painting urge (aka my inner child) was pretty excited about the idea of this workshop, jumping up and down with glee. Although I felt a bit scared and nervous, I signed up and went.

It was subtly life changing.

The intuitive painting course reintroduced meditation back into my life as each session started with a gentle breath meditation that I loved. It was calming, loving and kind.
I rediscovered my creativity. I had actually always been a crafty child.
I remembered how to have fun again.
I learned to risk making mistakes and that any mistake I made in a painting just helped the painting to evolve in a different way.
Most importantly, I reconnected with my intuition that had gone AWOL for a while as I had overridden and ignored it so many times with my fearful and rationalising mind.

Just like we can override and dismiss our inner callings, we can also override, ignore, dismiss or rationalise the unexpected opportunities that life presents us.

Here is a short excerpt from my book, The Path We Make: a journey of the heart on the Via Francigena—in fact it is the opening paragraph of the book.

 

“Oh no! I’m not interested in walking that far. Ever!”

That was my response several years ago when my employer asked me to join a team that would walk 50 kilometres to raise money for the Leprosy Mission. I can’t help but laugh kindly at that younger version of myself who scoffed at the idea and was adamant that she would never walk that far. I don’t believe everything in our lives is predetermined, but there are some things that life wants us to experience. If at first we turn our backs on those things or head in a different direction, life has a miraculous way of finding an alternative way in or choosing another way to speak to us so that we hear and understand. It calls us forward again and again to come down the path it wants us to follow, until finally we say yes and take those steps.

Sometimes our callings will come in the form of inner urgings, curiosities, recurring thoughts and ideas. Sometimes they will come as opportunities, invitations, signs and coincidences from the world around us.

Often we will push them away, ignore or dismiss them and/or rationalise why we shouldn’t pay attention to them because they are foreign to the life that we know and are currently living and we aren’t yet ready to accept them into our field of possibilities.

Sometimes they scare us and we might not even recognise we are scared.

Often they will keep coming back—especially the ones that really want our care and focus.

When something flirts with you or you become aware of some recurring theme, sign, thought, urge or other pattern in your life— pay attention and get curious. At first they may seem irrational, crazy, foreign, silly, out-there, nonsensical or irrelevant, but you also don’t know what rich gifts they have for you or where they may lead you.

I’d love to hear your stories about what has called to you that you have dismissed until you finally had to listen and say yes.

Leave a comment below or send me a private message. And if ever you want some support to explore what is calling you, I’m here. Just reach out.

What if you just let yourself be a little crazy

Last weekend I attended a course on working with your spirit team including angels and guides. As our teacher went around the room asking each individual what they wanted to get out of the weekend, a shared concern emerged that I too shared: What if people think I’m crazy?

The underlying fear is that if people really knew what I thought or who I am that I could be judged, shunned, rejected, ostracised, abandoned or shamed. This fear keeps us hiding, conforming, wearing masks and pretending to be someone that we’re not.  It can keep us stuck in outdated roles and delay us from living the life that we’re destined to live.

There are many ways I hold back my inner crazy around other people.

Sometimes I feel so moved by life that I want to break out into spontaneous movement or dance in public but I don’t.  What would people think?

There have been times at work in my day job that I want to suggest we start a meeting with intentional silence so everyone can be completely present and arrive into the space ready to connect and listen but I don’t.  It’s definitely not how things are done there in a very mainstream culture.

Even in my monthly women’s circle that I attend, I can find myself holding back my true voice when we tone. The sound that wants to emerge might be strange, gargled and primal. It might be shocking. Instead, I make a sweet sound that’s “acceptable.”

During the course, we spent some time discussing and unpacking this concept of being crazy and then gave our individual expression of crazy form, first just with movement, and then with movement and sound.

I waved my arms around, threw my head from sided to side, stomped my feet up and down and made “blblblblblbl” sounds as my lips and cheeks wobbled. There wasn’t a moment to be self-conscious because everyone in the room was expressing their own version of crazy.

Expressing my crazy was so joy-filled and empowering. I owned a part of myself that I had personally resisted and shunned. Now with my positive body memory of this experience, I’m less concerned about hiding my crazy self because looking crazy and feeling joyful and free is more important than looking and behaving how others think I should and consequently feeling constricted, soulless, sad and quite frankly, bored.

When we each give expression to our unique essence even when it looks crazy, we help those around us sense it’s safe to be exactly who they are too, even if they think it’s a little crazy.

As Sharon Blackie wrote in If Women Rose Rooted , “There are other ways to belong than those that were handed down to us.”

Our journey in life is to each walk our own path our own way, not the path of others. It is a journey that requires courage and vulnerability, and if by bringing out my inner crazy helps liberate others around me, I’m willing to do that, even if some people around me don’t understand it.

The thing that I’m most passionate about in life is freedom. Freedom within from the chains and beliefs and untended wounds that keep us stuck in repeating patterns and limiting ourselves.  And therefore freedom in the outside world to live and express our unique spirits in the way they want to emerge.

I’m also passionate about supporting others to walk their own path. If you’re interested in bringing more freedom into your life or exploring your inner crazy, I am offering a limited number of free sessions via Skype. Email me at kym@kymwilson.com.au to book a session.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

Wholly knowing silence

Dear ones

I was just making some final edits to my intended blog post about packing lightly and living reverently when I accidentally deleted the whole edited post. I tried desperately to recover it without success. It is unretrievable.

I don’t think it’s a mistake that I deleted the intended blog post. Life works quite mysteriously at times.

I don’t have enough time to re-write the post tonight, so I sit quietly and wonder what to do..

Then I remember that what I have really wanted to offer you is a holding space of deep, healing silence, although I haven’t known how to offer that in a blog that requires words until now. Through mishap and silence, this is what spontaneously emerges….

 

My invitation to you is to take a few deep breaths and feel how life is supporting you right now. Maybe you are supported by a chair or seat of some kind, or the ground beneath your feet.

Notice how your breath moves in and out of your chest. Brining new life. Releasing what is old.

Maybe you can hear sounds, birds, traffic, voices.

I invite you to listen more deeply.

Beneath the noise is a container of silence all around you. It is protective and nourishing. Calming and soothing. Just listen and feel.

Take a few moments out of this often busy, rushing, noisy modern world we live in to feel rested and renewed and totally supported.

From this place of deep silence, maybe there is something that wants to be known to you, something that will serve your life and journey now. Or maybe it’s just the silence you need to know more wholly. Most of us do.

Whether you receive words or silence, it is all a blessing. You are held and supported right here and now. Breathe and rest here.

.All is well.

 

With love, courage and the peace of silence,

Kym xx

The constant inbetween

Dear ones

This week I recommenced a regular walking practice. I call it a practice because I don’t just walk for exercise, I walk to see the world around me slowly on foot, and to invite inspiration for writing as well as for inner knowing and guidance on my life path.

A few nights ago, I left the house a little later than usual, it was very late dusk but not quite nighttime. As I walked I reflected on this particular time of day where it’s not dark, but not light. It’s an inbetween time. And I remembered this poem that I wrote while I was walking the Via Francigena pilgrimage route…

 

You see the road

stretch long before you.

Just as you begin to fall

into despair’s embrace,

you are caught by grace,

set back on your feet,

to do the one thing

you know you can do;

take one step

then one step more.

You are here

where you have

chosen to stand.

The goal is never arriving,

which of course you will

then leave again.

Accept there will always

be a long road,

a coming,

a going.

That stillness you crave

only a temporary possibility.

Let go of the clinging

and the desire

to be other than where you are.

Learn to love this life

in the constant inbetween.

I wrote this poem on Day 15 of my Via Francigena pilgrimage while I was walking from Laon to Corbeny in France. While it was only a 27 kilometre walking day, I felt like I would never make it to Corbeny and that I would be walking forever. To distract myself, I decided that I would write as I walked. I asked for inspiration, opened up a writing app on my Ipad called Textilus and this poem streamed out. With it came a deep peace and acceptance of where I was on my journey and trust that I would arrive when I arrived as I had done for the 14 days I had been walking.

For me, this simple realisation (and re-realisation) of living in the inbetween still brings me much peace and acceptance in my life now. I am inbetween leaving a career and starting a new one but I am filled with peace and faith that I am being guided and supported by life no matter how slowly things seem to unfold.

I hope that this realisation serves you in your life too.

And if you are contemplating a journey such as Via Francigena, I hope you will trust the whispers of your heart urging you to go. The calling is sacred. The insights that are waiting to be revealed to you may continue to serve you for the rest of your life too.

With love and courage,

Kym xx

Go wander

[I am currently in Italy with my husband and his family for the Christmas holidays. This is a re-share and small update of a poem that I wrote a few years ago.
To create change in your life, you have to do things differently.
Open up space for nothingness so new inspiration can come through.
Step off your current path so you can experience something new.
Be willing to become lost. You will see new things. See the world differently. Strengthen your intuition and connection to your soul.
Be willing to let go of the life that you currently have. Be willing to wander and experiment.]

Let go of your schedule, your timetables, your calendar, your planning, your busyness and your need to make your waking moments productive.

Go outside, exactly as you are. Go to a park or a forest, a beach, your backyard or any space you have longed to explore.

Let your feet follow your eyes re-opened as if born anew and seeing for the first time.

Go to what calls your attention, to what flirts with your senses with its bright pretty colours or intriguing patterns and shapes.

Let your mind rest and your life force move you.

Wander without aim, without rules or constraints.

Wander with curiosity.

Wander with faith in its aimlessness.

Wandering produces nothing yet yields everything.

Wandering reclaims the instinct of your soul cut off the moment your life became ruled by your calendar and time, your to do lists and busyness, and the idea that you have to make something of your life for your life to matter instead of living fluidly as an expression of joy.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx