Dear Procrastination, it's time for you to stop wasting my time

Photo by Dayne Tomkin

Photo by Dayne Tomkin

Dear Procrastination

You have managed to fill most of my day with various insignificant tasks that didn’t really need to be done today.

You have also showered me with your version of inspiring thoughts and ideas that you insisted I investigate and explore immediately of which I obliged and these have also kept me very busy.

Some of these tasks brought me short-term joy, such as the instagram post I created using Canva and finding a new recipe to cook for dinner tonight that my husband will love.

But here I am at 4 o’clock in the afternoon feeling deeply unsatisfied, as well as a little bit anxious and guilty that I have managed to let most of the day pass without doing what I really want to do.

Lately, inspiration has been raining down upon me and I have a growing list of books that want me to write them.  Yes, that’s right, book ideas have found their way to me with titles and phrases and ideas, some vague and some more concrete but without a lot of detail or structure because they need me to delve deeply into a relationship with them to discover what wants to be written.  

I know that if I don’t honour these book ideas with my presence, time and willingness to write that they will find their way to someone else who will. 

The other thing I really want to do that I’m not doing is to start marketing and promoting my book, The Path We Make.  The manuscript is finalised and it’s time for me to help it make its way out into the world and into the hands of those people it is destined to support, inspire and heal. But I’m not a natural marketer or salesperson and I feel daunted and uncomfortable by this whole task.

Procrastination, I know you are trying to protect and distract me from my discomfort and fear of failure and inadequacy, but I gotta tell you something…

Letting you run the show actually causes a lot more suffering and you don’t really protect me from anything.  

With you running the show, I have ended up feeling much worse than I have in facing my fear and discomfort, which I am doing right now, sitting here writing to you. I faced the blank page and discovered what wanted to emerge word-by-word, thought-by-thought.  And once I have posted this letter to you on my blog, I will return to my book marketing plan and look at just the next step because as one of my fitness apps tells me, “Progress is progress no matter how small.”

 And as I discovered on my Via Francigena Pilgrimage on those long and steep climbs: “Sometimes you have to stop looking at the big picture and just look down at your feet in order to take the next step.”

Sometimes you have to stop looking at the big picture and just look down at your feet in order to take the next step. copy.png

Procrastination, I cannot make you go away. Like a puppy, you may still nip at my heels and beg for me to play with you, but right now, I am placing you in a basket at my feet where I can rub your belly with my foot while I sit here and do the work that I really want to do, that fulfils my heart and soul, and that feels meaningful.

 I choose to face the fear and discomfort because I know when I do only one thing happens: I grow.

 And it is this practice of facing fear and discomfort again and again that makes me free and that’s all I really want to be.

With love and courage,

Kym
xx

Facing fear: a conversation and discovery

Photo by Johannes Planio

Photo by Johannes Planio

All my heart wants to do is write, but I keep procrastinating and distracting myself with searching for stuff like a refillable purple pen so I don’t keep throwing out single use pens, and books, lots of books, because I love books and could drown in them.

The more time I spend searching, the sadder my heart becomes. I am not doing what it really wants to do. I am doing anything but, and the anything I am doing isn’t particularly meaningful even if I justify it with logic and reasons.  

I am scared.

Fear doesn’t want me to write that down. It becomes squirmy and slippery like an eel.

Fear doesn’t want to be inquired into. It has special protective powers like mind blanking. As soon as my conscious mind starts to inquire into fear it can freeze everything and wipe the slate clean. It’s a lot like being a deer in headlights.

Fear can try to disguise itself and hide but it can’t hide very well anymore. I have worked hard to cultivate my awareness and stand in my power so it can’t take over completely or for too long no matter what tricks it pulls.

But yes, here it is now, shaking and quivering around me. Every step I take closer to listening to my heart and writing what it has to say, fear gets louder and louder.

It pleads that I don’t do this, for I will be found out, people will know that I have nothing valuable or original to say and that I can’t really write. I will reveal myself as a fraud. And even if I do write, no one will want to read it anyway so I will waste my time and embarrass myself by even trying.

Fear says stay here where it’s safe, where you don’t risk failure, where you don’t expose yourself and make yourself vulnerable.

I pause and ponder, taking in all that fear has to say, and then I respond.

I can’t stay here and I can’t not do this. I have procrastinated and avoided the call of my heart for long enough and I have suffered.

I am parched and withered and dying a slow fruitless death docked to this wharf of safety but the waves keep lapping at me and the horizon beckons me to explore what lies out there beyond this safe mooring and I must go.

I may return and I may not.

I may find others to journey with me or I may ride the waves alone.

I may discover there are many people interested in the treasures I discover or I may be the only one who is interested.

I may discover riches or I may be lead into the realm of nothingness, just drifting in a sea of blue.

The bounty could be all or it could seem to be nothing.

None of this matters. All that truly matters is that when you hear or feel the call of your Soul, you answer and you go.

If you keep fixating on the world you see, if you keep trying to find your place within it, you will play too small and limited.

There is a whole cosmos of possibility within you. Say yes and discover it.

As for fear, well fear will take the journey with you. It may never leave your side.

It may always be the voice that pleads for you to return to shore where everything appears more steady and certain, especially when you sail into new unknown territory or face waves bigger than you’ve ever seen before.

But you can take fear by the hand and talk to it, reassure it that you’re here for the adventure and not the safe harbour, and remind it of the times you ventured into unknown territory and things turned out okay.

You may never be fearless but you may fear less and even discover how bold, and daring you truly are.

With love and courage,

Kym xx

The secret to blooming

Photo by Leanna Cushman

Photo by Leanna Cushman

 

Soft, gentle blooming —

every flower blossoms

and surrenders its petals

in its own time

and its own unique way.

No pushing, no striving,

just the creative force of life

moving through you

like a river, ever onwards.

Humans industrialised the world, 

yet nature is wiser than we.

The hardest thing to do is

to step away from a way of life

you may have chosen or inherited or fallen into,

to trust and live the life

that wants to unfold through you.

But it can be done

when you trust in you

and the ever evolving wisdom

that emerges through your own intuition.

With love and courage,

kym2 copy.png
 

PS Rest is an essential part of nature’s creative process. I’m on holidays for the next two weeks. I’ll be back on the 24th June.

When your calling is scary and 3 tips to help you over come your resistance so you can just start

Photo by Ian Schneider.

Photo by Ian Schneider.

Today I have everything and nothing to say. So much has unfolded in my life in the last week.  There are so many things I could write about: the secret tricks of resistance, the gifts of cleaning up my act, the intelligence of the body, the unexpected joy of following a green mono-diet for the last week that was not hard at all contrary to what my mind had to say before I started.

My mind has been flipping between all the options I could write about, not sure which one to choose. So I decided to just start writing and see what emerges.

Sometimes you just have to start and see where you end up.

 The path isn’t linear or set in stone.

All roads lead to Rome. Although in years gone by, pilgrims may have walked the same route to Rome for safety and to access amenities, which is why it became the preferred pilgrimage route in the first place. There are in fact innumerable routes to Rome depending on which way you personally choose to walk. Your path is yours and yours alone. Don’t walk someone else’s (unless you feel called by your soul to do so.)

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I didn’t know I was going to write all that. It just came out as I was typing. See. This is this joy of turning up to a blank page to see what wants to emerge and be expressed.

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Sometimes we think we have to know where we’re going or how to do something or how it’s going to turn out before we start but the truth is we don’t really know until we start.  

So just start with a small step or if a small step is too much just a small movement or gesture.
Find your way.

On the weekend I bought and almost completely devoured Stephen Pressfield’s latest book, The Artist's Journey: The Wake of the Hero's Journey and the Lifelong Pursuit of Meaning upon the recommendation of my women’s circle leader, Grace Funk of Priestess Your Life, who described it asa game-changer.”

 Similar to Grace, I have spent most of my life exploring why am I here? What are my gifts? And in recent years, what is my subject? What is the underlying theme of my writing? Who am I here to serve?

 I realise as I was reading that my writing has dwindled away (again). The poetry has stopped. My instagram posts have a sentence or two at most. Sometimes I journal. I write my weekly blog post…so that’s something.  But overall, I have been writing very little.

I don’t feel inspired.
I have nothing to say.
I have to focus on finalising and marketing my book.
I’m too tired.
I don’t know what I want to write about yet.
I’m not clear on the subject yet.

These are some of my most common reasons…I mean excuses…I tell myself that stop me from writing.

Yes…they stop me from writing which because I tell myself means I stop myself from writing.

 Guess what’s really at play here?

 Resistance. I’d write it in invisible ink if I could because that’s how it often shows up in my life.

Stephen explains that writing or creating requires that we go from Level #1 - our everyday reality into what he calls Level #2 -“that is the Unconscious, the Soul, the Self, the Super-conscious.” You might also think of it as the Universe or unlimited creative field.

 “Resistance is a min-Refusal of the Call” (to adventure, to create, to take a risk or specifically in my case to sit down to the blank page to write.)

 But why?

 It’s simple.

 “The Call is scary,” writes Stephen.

Resistance is “the terror the psyche experiences at the prospect of encountering the Self, i.e. the soul, the unconscious, the superconscious.” 

I’d also offer that the psyche experiences this terror when venturing into the unknown whether it be to go and walk a pilgrimage route on the other side of the world, quit your job without another one to go to, take on any challenge you’ve never done before where you risk failing or change your life in some way that the psyche fears may be irreversible.

Stephen says that the first skill the artist must learn is how to start.  However, he does not tell you how to start. This is something the artist must discover for herself.

 At the end of the day you must discover what works for you but I will share a few things that have worked for me:

1.    When I don’t know what to write about, I ask for inspiration

I discovered this early in my Via Francigena journey. I noticed that I had been receiving writing inspiration constantly as I was walking then one day there was nothing.  I heard nothing.

I asked the universe why I wasn’t receiving inspiration and a small quiet voice said I didn’t ask. So I asked and it soon came flooding in.

To ask is to open to receive.

2.    Grow your creative energy anyway you can

Dance, walk, cook, paint, draw, colour, write, sing, play, walk, take photos, make love, go to an art exhibition or a performance.

Do something that gets you out of your head, that is fun and makes you feel excited.

This weekend I got my easel and paint out for the first time in months and intuitively painted.  When I paint, sometimes I have an idea of what I’m going to paint but it usually changes as I paint, often completely such is the way the creative process works through me. I also “make mistakes” e.g. put paint on in a way that doesn’t match my expectations, but somehow I always find a way to cover it, change it, blend it, correct it, morph it into something new or accept it.

I loved my painting so much, I have called her Mary the Angel and framed her and hung her on the wall behind my desk to reflect back at me my own creativity as I work. I am now super excited to paint more. I even ordered a book on intuitive painting for inspiration and learning. This excitement is flowing over into my writing and other areas of my life.

Here’s Mary the Angel….

IMG_4083.JPG

Can you see the luminous lizard creature hanging around her head aura? Well that was unintentional (which you could call a mistake) but as one of the many things lizard symbolises is teaching us that there are untapped powers in us, I think it was divinely intended and created.

3.    Be curious

 High expectations are a killer. Take the pressure off yourself. You don’t have to create something perfect. You don’t have to get it right.

Just start with curiosity and see what emerges and where you end up. Maybe it will be a mess.  Maybe you will fail.

Or maybe it will inspire something else or another part of your life.

Maybe it will be truly amazing.

Maybe that’s the real fear here that your amazingness exceeds what you have previously known/thought about yourself.

You may still feel resistance. Fear may come up.

Just feel it and send it some love.

See if you can find the excitement in your body for creating, make it bigger and bigger in your body so that your excitement is greater than your fear. Your excitement will help you step over the edge again and again.

“The artist is not expressing himself. He is discovering himself.” - Stephen Pressfield

And isn’t that just it? We get focused on outcomes: achievements and progress and getting somewhere and making it some place. But the journey is about discovery and there’s so much to discover in this world, and especially within yourself in the short time we have here on this planet in this life.

I just started writing this blog unsure of my starting point or where I was going and it showed up as I wrote. This also happens to be the longest blog I have written in a long time, which could be good or bad depending on your attention span and/or personal preference [insert cheeky face emoji that doesn’t exist on my laptop keyboard so you’ll have to imagine it.]

In writing this, I have discovered more about myself, primarily that I’m actually quite clear on how to get myself out of resistance. I just needed to write it down to remind myself.

I’m also feeling the creative fire inside my heart burning even more brightly, a combination of writing this blog, creative cooking, and painting on the weekend that has triggered a whole heap of ideas for books and insights and clarity around what I’m here to teach in this lifetime.

 So what do you say? Want a make a commitment to yourself to just start? To have a go? To give it your best shot?

Your adventure, your art, your book, your poetry, your song, your dance, your [fill in the blank] is waiting to come through you.

I hope you’ll say yes.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

PS If you need some help to overcome resistance, checkout how we can work together on my service page and/or send me an email to kym@kymwilson.com.au or through my contact page.

Staying close to the mystery and less planning

[I am currently in Italy with my husband and his family for the Christmas holidays. This is an update of an article that I wrote a few years ago. I hope it offers some inspiration and insight into your own New Year dreaming process.]

It is the eve of the last day of the year. In these peaceful days between the celebration of Christmas and new beginnings, many people in my circles are reflecting on the year that has almost completed, and dreaming and planning the year that is about to begin.

I notice some people have given themselves a hard time for all that they set out to achieve in the last year but didn’t. For all the “good” and “positive” ways they wanted to be in the world but weren’t.

If this is you, I want you to know that you are loved beyond what you have done or haven't done. There is nothing you can do or not do that earns or loses you unconditional love

There is time enough for everything your spirit needs to experience in your life. Our human minds live in years, months, weeks, days, hours and minutes. Our spirits live in an eternal moment.

As part of New Year dreaming and planning rituals, some people are searching for the word that will guide them in. Some are dreaming into what they would like the year to look and feel like. Many are setting their goals and intentions and planning the steps they will take to reach their goals.

I've seen a lot of beautiful and inspiring tools out there designed to help you plan out and live your most fabulous year yet. I love the idea of them but often they trigger a sense of overwhelm and resistance in me: There is so much to analyse and think about, and so many rituals and practices to do and think about doing.

Where does just being and experiencing life fit into all the intentions and goal setting and planning and rituals I could complete to make my year fabulous?

Do I have to plan for spontaneity and serendipity to make sure I have time for these experiences too?

This was yet another year that didn’t turn out as I had hoped. I started the year pregnant and in March my dreams of being a mother bled from me. I was swallowed by a grief bigger than I could have imagined. This coupled with extreme stress from my day job overwhelmed my nervous system and I struggled with extended bouts of stomach pain for most of the year.

While life didn’t turn out as I had hoped (again), there have been great gifts in my illness and healing that I may not have experienced otherwise: I have discovered the grace of Kundalini meditation and yoga, neurological integration system to support healing and rebalancing, the awakening of the most beautiful yearning to be a mother, and to have known and cherished the feeling of being pregnant, carrying life within me even with all the horrendous morning sickness despite the pregnancy ending with no baby to be held physically in my arms.

I would never have chosen this journey through grief and illness. I’m still grieving the loss of my baby and what feels like was my last chance to be a mum.  But I am open to the idea, as I have been before, that maybe the vast intelligence of this world knows a bit more about what I need to experience in life than I do, including things I would never choose, and it knows how to bring me experiences so I don’t have to go out of my way to make everything happen in my life.

There is magic in deep dreaming with your heart. It brings us closer to what I call the Divine but you may call God, Higher Self, the Universe, Love or something else. It opens us to possibilities that we could never think of. If we listen deeply and patiently we hear our heart's true yearnings and callings and we are shown a way through life that may be far different than we could think of with our human minds. Everything unfolds in perfect timing; it's just often not to our human mind's timing.

The group energy of this time is one of reflection and dreaming.  As one human year ends and another one begins, I naturally feel pulled towards reflecting upon my year as well, tenderly, kindly and with gratitude (where I can feel authentically grateful) for its blessings.

I am also dreaming into the possibilities of my life and wondering what magic and mysteries it has in store for me today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. After a year of feeling like being in the mud and muck and a holding zone, I am feeling like next year could be radiant.

I am inviting inspiration, for the Divine to create and express through me in its own way, in its own time. I am waiting and watching with open hands ready to catch and follow the thread as soon as it appears knowing that at any moment I may also have to let it go.

I am inviting in magic and mystery because I want to live a life beyond that which I could simply think or plan alone.

Staying close to the mystery of this world is the best plan that I can have.

With love and courage,

Kym xx

 

Embracing fear, taking a risk

Fear rushes towards me. All of my cells scream “no!”

Don’t worry. I’m not in any real danger. I’m just sitting at my writing desk with my iPhone in my hand and my thumb hovering over the share button of a Facebook post.

I’m on the verge of putting my first holistic counseling service offer into the world and it feels like I’m about to step off the edge of a cliff and go splat in a way that not even the ever flexible Gumby could recover from.

IMAGE SOURCE: https://shannoncrane.files.wordpress.com

IMAGE SOURCE: https://shannoncrane.files.wordpress.com

I don’t have to do this, I know. Nobody’s making me do it. I could delete the draft post, put the phone down and just walk away, or I could use the classic deferral tactic and tell myself I’ll do it next week or another day and that day will come and I can just defer it again.

But you see, this is what my heart wants:
To take risks even if I might fail.
To offer what I have to give even if there is no one out there to receive what I have to offer.
To support other sensitive souls through their doubts and fear so that they can step towards their dreams and callings and give their gifts that the world so desperately needs.

My heart has wanted this for a long time, but it’s my mind that has surveyed the future and identified all the potential risks, harm and downfall. (Risk management assessment is a particularly strong skill of mine that has helped me succeed in the business world.)

My mind protests loudly. It digs its heels firmly into the ground. “You’re not going any further. You’re safe here where you are,” it asserts.

For a moment, I contemplate not taking that step and I feel like this…

 
IMAGE SOURCE: coachingforinspiration.com

IMAGE SOURCE: coachingforinspiration.com

 

Yes, this is what playing it safe can look like on the inside. Try the posture on yourself. It doesn’t feel very good.

Our protective parts will do anything to keep us safe.

They make up a lot of stories, often of the type that don’t have a happy ending.  They tend to overlook the potential for success, freedom, and joy.

They can speak very powerfully with authority but they actually don’t know what the future holds. Nobody does. The only way to find out is to go there.

Whenever we take a risk, fear can arise. It’s a normal response especially when we think of risk in terms of danger or uncertainty instead of opportunity or even thrill. Fear can be heightened for those who are highly sensitive like me.

I don’t believe there is a standard approach to facing and crossing these edges in our lives. We must determine our individual response each time we face an edge that is unique to our life and who we are.

Sometimes the response that feels right is to feel the fear and leap.
Sometimes, we must stand at the edge for a while dreaming into what lies on the other side.
Sometimes we must walk up to the edge then walk away many times before we are ready to take that step.

This time I stood at the edge with fear rushing towards me. I slowly leaned towards the edge of my known and unknown worlds, millimetre by millimetre. As I did, I came into closer contact with the fear.

I held my ground and just felt the sensations that were in and around my body as they grew and grew until I realised it wasn’t actually fear I was feeling.

It was my very life force rushing through me.

All of my cells pulsed with aliveness, not fear. It’s an aliveness I feel now in my body as I write about that experience and further embody it. It’s an incredibly strong power and vibrant light.

Fuelled by my aliveness not fear, I pressed share on that post and published it on Facebook. And guess what?

My world didn’t end. 

I didn’t splat onto the ground. I didn’t get the outcome I hoped for but nothing bad happened at all. Instead something very unexpected happened. I came into direct contact with my own life force and power.

Marianne Williamson wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

The way to liberate yourself from fear is not to turn away from it, not to bypass it, not to step over or around it but to allow it to be there and consciously build your own relationship with it.

Slow down here. Don’t rush. This is hallowed ground.

Be curious about about your fear and the sensations in your body. Is it really fear you are feeling? Ask it questions and check how true the response is. Dialogue with it.

Investigate your beliefs about taking a risk or achieving success.

Feel your way through it into your own power. It’s right there waiting for you.

Is there something you’re afraid of that’s holding you back? I’d love the opportunity to support you through it.  Consider working with me 1:1.

With love and courage,

kym2 copy.png
 
 

Tell me your dream, my love

 

Tell me your dream, my love.

What magic do you want to bring into this world?

What ingenuity do you want to make real?

What pain do you want to help heal?

What work place do you want to transform with kindness and compassion so that it truly serves a heart-centred vision first, and profits second?

What love story do you want to live whether it’s happily ever after or whether it cracks your heart open more widely than you ever imagined it could open?

How do you want to live so that everyday your heart sings in joyful aliveness?

How do you want to be the change that this world is longing for?

What adventure do you want to take? What path do you want to walk? What mountain do you want climb? What oceans do you want to sail? What far land sings it’s summoning song to you?

What creativity is longing to be expressed through you? Is it a book, a painting, a photograph, a song? What offering of your heart do you want to gift this world to bring ease, to heal or inspire the heart of another?

Just for this moment, don’t speak of your fears or the barriers to bringing your dreams to life.
Instead, tell me how your cells quiver in excitement when you speak of your dreams.
Tell me how your longing begins to burn stronger when you give yourself permission to speak freely and unrestrained about what you truly want.
Tell me how your Soul feels when it knows it has been heard.

Come closer to your dreaming, one breath at a time, one word at a time, whisper it if you must.
Speak of it as if it is alive here now, not some day far away.
Feel all the possibility and magic that is here right now.

Let me see how your longing lights you up from the inside out.
You are magnificent. You are a living field of possibility.
Your light is the fuel you will need.
Your light is the medicine that will set other souls aflame.

Tell me your dream, my love.
Let the words pour through you uncensored.
Allow your dreaming to be expressed. Don’t hide it or push it away. Let it be alive in you now.
This is an intimate embrace of your own heart.
This is how you start to embody your dream into life.

With love and courage,

Kym xx



My dream is to hold a sacred space for you where together we alchemise your dreams and callings into life. If this calls to you, then contact me to find out out about my current special introductory offer that is available for a limited time or check out my Work with Me page.