What if you just let yourself be a little crazy

Last weekend I attended a course on working with your spirit team including angels and guides. As our teacher went around the room asking each individual what they wanted to get out of the weekend, a shared concern emerged that I too shared: What if people think I’m crazy?

The underlying fear is that if people really knew what I thought or who I am that I could be judged, shunned, rejected, ostracised, abandoned or shamed. This fear keeps us hiding, conforming, wearing masks and pretending to be someone that we’re not.  It can keep us stuck in outdated roles and delay us from living the life that we’re destined to live.

There are many ways I hold back my inner crazy around other people.

Sometimes I feel so moved by life that I want to break out into spontaneous movement or dance in public but I don’t.  What would people think?

There have been times at work in my day job that I want to suggest we start a meeting with intentional silence so everyone can be completely present and arrive into the space ready to connect and listen but I don’t.  It’s definitely not how things are done there in a very mainstream culture.

Even in my monthly women’s circle that I attend, I can find myself holding back my true voice when we tone. The sound that wants to emerge might be strange, gargled and primal. It might be shocking. Instead, I make a sweet sound that’s “acceptable.”

During the course, we spent some time discussing and unpacking this concept of being crazy and then gave our individual expression of crazy form, first just with movement, and then with movement and sound.

I waved my arms around, threw my head from sided to side, stomped my feet up and down and made “blblblblblbl” sounds as my lips and cheeks wobbled. There wasn’t a moment to be self-conscious because everyone in the room was expressing their own version of crazy.

Expressing my crazy was so joy-filled and empowering. I owned a part of myself that I had personally resisted and shunned. Now with my positive body memory of this experience, I’m less concerned about hiding my crazy self because looking crazy and feeling joyful and free is more important than looking and behaving how others think I should and consequently feeling constricted, soulless, sad and quite frankly, bored.

When we each give expression to our unique essence even when it looks crazy, we help those around us sense it’s safe to be exactly who they are too, even if they think it’s a little crazy.

As Sharon Blackie wrote in If Women Rose Rooted , “There are other ways to belong than those that were handed down to us.”

Our journey in life is to each walk our own path our own way, not the path of others. It is a journey that requires courage and vulnerability, and if by bringing out my inner crazy helps liberate others around me, I’m willing to do that, even if some people around me don’t understand it.

The thing that I’m most passionate about in life is freedom. Freedom within from the chains and beliefs and untended wounds that keep us stuck in repeating patterns and limiting ourselves.  And therefore freedom in the outside world to live and express our unique spirits in the way they want to emerge.

I’m also passionate about supporting others to walk their own path. If you’re interested in bringing more freedom into your life or exploring your inner crazy, I am offering a limited number of free sessions via Skype. Email me at kym@kymwilson.com.au to book a session.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

Riding the wave

Dear ones,

Here, it is Monday once again, and I turn up to this sacred space exactly as I am. I haven’t chosen a topic or sketched out a post or planned anything. I am empty-handed.

Isn’t it funny how we have been conditioned to believe that if we visit a friend we must bring something with us to offer, that it’s not enough to show up exactly as we are, as if our presence, time and attention alone is not a great gift to those around us, that we must always offer something more.

I am learning to trust intimately and on a deeper level this showing up without an agenda or plan: To be quiet and unknowing, unplanned and surrendered. To listen more deeply and surrender the impulse to respond. To wholly know silence as I wrote last week.

It feels raw and edgy because it goes against the grain of so much I have learned about life and business including goals, plans, strategies, schedules, busy-ness, doing, pushing, adding value, having an opinion and how to be successful.

This way of being feels more open, present, receptive and in tune with the world seen and unseen around me, flowing effortlessly and with grace.

When I show up to life without my own agenda or plan, I show up with the ears of my heart listening for what truly wants to be expressed beneath the surface. When I stop judging and posturing and controlling, I can allow what wants to be expressed through me to come through. I show up willing to be aligned to something greater than my self.  Usually I experience a great magic and mystery that I could never plan along with deep contentment in my soul.

So while all of this unfolds and integrates, a small scared part of me wonders how will I ever successfully publish my book if I don’t do the old way of planning, strategising, scheduling, pushing, adding value, and if I don’t keep taking linear steps. But the truth is I’ve been trying to figure out a publishing plan this way for a while now and it doesn’t work for me. I just feel stuck.

I’ve spent a lot of time on and in the ocean thanks to scuba diving and my love of a tropical sea. I have been dumped by big waves and I’ve kicked against strong currents without getting anywhere. To me, bliss is floating on the ocean’s surface for hours or even better, being suspended neutrally buoyant in its blue plane.

The ocean is a powerful and beautiful thing. Merging with it taps you into something so much bigger than your small self and the oneness of all things.

We all have our own paths to walk, our own waves to ride in this life. I have no idea where this current wave I am riding is going, or where or if it will land on shore. I cannot control where the wave wants to go. And I’m not meant to. I’m just here to ride it.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

Don’t hold back, your inspiration is the medicine we need

Don’t hold back, your inspiration is the medicine we need

Out of nowhere, inspiration flares as you receive an idea about something to write, paint, create, dance, make.  It lights you up as excitement and possibility surge through your body.

Then one of two things happen:

  1. Your mind interrupts the flow with all the reasons of why it is a stupid idea:

    It’s unoriginal, a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of money;
    It won’t lead anywhere or to anything;
    No one will be interested in it;


    OR

2.     Some other part of your life gets in the way. 

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Not just one way

Not just one way

"Freedom is the oxygen of the soul" ~Moshe Dayan

Once again the silence and stillness wraps around.
No impulse to move or to speak,
only be here now amidst the rapture of breath.

Again I have broken the vow I made to myself
only now to ask:

who is the one that demands that I am consistent and why?




 

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The immediacy of now

The immediacy of now

“If you abandon the present moment, you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply"—Thich Nhat Hanh

The immediacy of your life
demands that you pay attention now,
be present here and now,
and tend to the aches,
the tiredness,
the fear,
the sadness,
the anger,
the hopelessness,
the helplessness,
the confusion,
the shame
as and when it arises.

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Joy is...

Joy is...

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." — Joseph Campbell

Joy is...

...waking up to see a strip of bright blue sky in the gap where the drapes don’t quite meet.

...morning messages from your beloved.

...the smell of ground coffee beans.

...watching youtube videos of your favourite spiritual teacher...or anything to do with dogs scared of cats.

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