Instead of pushing on when the going gets tough, try this…

Photo by Dingzeyu Li

Photo by Dingzeyu Li

I’ve spent the last two days in my pyjamas. The stomach pain that plagued me last year has returned and I am experiencing a lot of discomfort. My stomach is sore and bloated, my appetite is off, I feel nauseous at times and my energy is low.

In the past when I was in pain or unwell, I used to pop a pill and keep going. We’ve been conditioned to soldier on.

There can be a time to push on, such as when you have young children that require your care and need you to keep going as much as you can. Or when you are stretching outside your comfort zone towards your dream and fear starts making things tough and screaming for you to stop.

Fear can also be the very reason we need to stop pushing on

Sometimes pushing on and taking action is powered by our fear and not our dreams. We keep going because we are afraid of what will or won’t happen if we stop.

Maybe we worry that we won’t achieve the goal, or that we’ll be financially unsafe or get into trouble with the boss if we don’t show up or the workload will just grow out of control if we keep going.

We don’t stop to question how true these stories are or allow ourselves to see another possibility that could be more true.

Like what if you stopped and others stepped in to help and support you? What if you stopped and discovered the world didn’t end and you actually felt more peace and contentment? What if stopping allowed you to return to health and joy far quicker than if you kept plugging on?

Mostly I find that pushing on is an act of unkindness to myself.

Often it involves putting the needs of others (real or perceived) before my own needs.

My tendency to push on is usually powered by fear that I won’t get there and achieve my goal if I don’t keep pushing towards it. These days when I notice this tendency it is a sign that I need to stop and plug back into the love and support of the universe. 

Let your inner wisdom show you the way

When the going gets tough, I have learned to check in with myself, to listen to my feelings and needs and be guided by my intuition/inner wisdom.

Yesterday my intuition told me to stop. Healing becomes so much more available to us by stopping and surrendering rather than battling on.

My intuition told me to find as much relaxation as I could, and joy too, and to love myself exactly as I was even with all the pain I didn’t want to experience and was trying to push away. Pushing on or pushing away, the common denominator being pushing, can make the suffering a lot worse.

Believe it or not right now, you can achieve your goals and dreams without pushing or forcing.

A practice to listen to your own wise inner guidance

The next time you find yourself pushing on when you are unwell or obstacles keep appearing and the way is getting tough try this instead…

Pause where you are and make yourself comfortable

Breathe in deeply, and exhale naturally, allowing your breath to leave your body at its own pace.

If it feels right for you, allow your eyes to close.

Breathe in deeply once more then exhale again.

Return to normal breathing, and pay attention to your breath. Notice it as it goes in and out of your body. Notice the quality of it. Is it hot or cold or warm? Gentle or strong or somewhere in between? Where do you notice the breath make contact with your body? Your nose, throat, chest, belly? Are you breathing deep or shallow?

As you breathe, feel yourself supported by the seat you are sitting on or the earth beneath your feet. Know and trust that you are supported here now.

Now put your hands over your heart and as you continue to pay attention to your breath, ask yourself this question:

“What do I most need right now?”

Keep breathing and listen for any responses. You might hear words, see images or symbols, sense or feel it or just know. You might also not receive any response at all at first.

For the next minute, just keep asking yourself, “What do I most need right now?” Listen for any responses that arise. Not receiving a response right now is absolutely fine. You have asked the question and planted the seed. You may find that the response arises later in the coming days when you least expect it.

If you received a response, then ask yourself the following question:

“How can I give this to myself right now?”

Again, keep your attention on your breath and listen for any responses that arise.

Continue to ask yourself the question for one minute.

Then take a deep inhale and with your exhale release the question.

In whatever way feels right to you, offer gratitude for the insight you have received. Maybe it’s a simple thank you or a bow of your head or some other gesture that feels right to you.

When you are ready, open your eyes.

You might like to write down any guidance or insights you received and anything you notice in the coming days.

You can return to this practice at any time.

If you’d prefer to be guided through the practice, I have recorded it for you here.

Here is the direct link to the recording on soundcloud here https://soundcloud.com/kym-wilson-2/a-guided-practice-to-listen-to-your-own-wise-inner-guidance/

I’d love to hear any insights you received from this practice. Leave a comment or email me.

If you are finding that is fear is taking over your life either pushing you on or holding you back then let’s work on this together. Email me now. I’m here to support you.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

Letting go of what you think life should look like

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For years, I leaned forward into a life I never arrived at.

I was preoccupied with everything I thought would make me happy and that would eventually make my life mean something important – like a successful career, financial security, overseas holidays, a home, a husband and family.

Then one day, during a prolonged period of extreme unhappiness, I quit.

I left a long-term relationship that I had over-stayed.

I quit my job without another job to go to.

Eventually I packed up my belongings to travel and be free for a while.

Unshackled from routine and my never-ending planning and doing, I found myself in wonder at this life and what it truly means to be alive.

Free of ties and blindfolds, free of commitment and expectation, I sank into the invitation to move the way my spirit moved me instead of the way I thought I should move through my life.

I began to see the magic all around:
in the blossoming of flowers,
in the setting of the sun,
in the kind and gentle touch of a lover,
in the sting of being misunderstood,
in the flow of following my intuition and the surprising terrain it guided me through.

I let go of what I thought life should look like and how it should unfold by becoming open and free and willing to see what could be possible.

I became a blank canvas for the universe to write on and through.

I began to experience the rapture of living in the aliveness that is only available now and cannot be deferred or chased.

Your life might not look like mine. You may not be called to the same adventure, to quit a job, to leave a relationship, to travel or to change careers. But there will be times during your life that you will be called to adventure in your own unique way.

You may resist or deny the call. Making life changes can be thrilling for some but scary for others. Resisting that step for too long can lead to pain and suffering or even a dulling of vitality or complete loss of joy.

My wish for you is that you don’t stay stuck in the resistance for too long.

May you gather your courage and your allies and supporters who really want the best for you and can hold space for your change.

May you find your way to let go of whatever may be holding your back, or find the energy of your tipping point to move you forward.

There is no formula for letting go and moving forward and it’s usually never as simple as just letting go as some people may tell you, although they may mean well.

There can also be a lot to learn from our resistance if we unpack and explore it, but staying stuck for too long can be unnecessary and unhelpful.

If you find yourself stuck and need some support to help you move forward, send me an email to kym@kymwilson.com.au. I’m here and ready to help.

With love and courage,

Kym xx

Riding the wave

Dear ones,

Here, it is Monday once again, and I turn up to this sacred space exactly as I am. I haven’t chosen a topic or sketched out a post or planned anything. I am empty-handed.

Isn’t it funny how we have been conditioned to believe that if we visit a friend we must bring something with us to offer, that it’s not enough to show up exactly as we are, as if our presence, time and attention alone is not a great gift to those around us, that we must always offer something more.

I am learning to trust intimately and on a deeper level this showing up without an agenda or plan: To be quiet and unknowing, unplanned and surrendered. To listen more deeply and surrender the impulse to respond. To wholly know silence as I wrote last week.

It feels raw and edgy because it goes against the grain of so much I have learned about life and business including goals, plans, strategies, schedules, busy-ness, doing, pushing, adding value, having an opinion and how to be successful.

This way of being feels more open, present, receptive and in tune with the world seen and unseen around me, flowing effortlessly and with grace.

When I show up to life without my own agenda or plan, I show up with the ears of my heart listening for what truly wants to be expressed beneath the surface. When I stop judging and posturing and controlling, I can allow what wants to be expressed through me to come through. I show up willing to be aligned to something greater than my self.  Usually I experience a great magic and mystery that I could never plan along with deep contentment in my soul.

So while all of this unfolds and integrates, a small scared part of me wonders how will I ever successfully publish my book if I don’t do the old way of planning, strategising, scheduling, pushing, adding value, and if I don’t keep taking linear steps. But the truth is I’ve been trying to figure out a publishing plan this way for a while now and it doesn’t work for me. I just feel stuck.

I’ve spent a lot of time on and in the ocean thanks to scuba diving and my love of a tropical sea. I have been dumped by big waves and I’ve kicked against strong currents without getting anywhere. To me, bliss is floating on the ocean’s surface for hours or even better, being suspended neutrally buoyant in its blue plane.

The ocean is a powerful and beautiful thing. Merging with it taps you into something so much bigger than your small self and the oneness of all things.

We all have our own paths to walk, our own waves to ride in this life. I have no idea where this current wave I am riding is going, or where or if it will land on shore. I cannot control where the wave wants to go. And I’m not meant to. I’m just here to ride it.

With love and courage,

Kym

xx

What if you just gave up?

What if you just gave up?

“The essential surrender happens within you, it has nothing to do with anybody outside you. The basic surrender is a relaxation, a trust — so don’t be misguided by the word. Linguistically, surrender means to surrender to somebody, but religiously, surrender simply means trust, relaxing. It is an attitude rather than an act: you live through trust.”—Osho

“Your willpower is the problem,” my osteopath said as he treated me last week.
I laughed.

Determined. Stubborn. Strong-willed. That’s me. Hell, I was going to walk from Rome to Jerusalem with a bung left hip and my left ankle still recovering from a severe sprain—I couldn’t get more strong-willed than that.

I laughed because he spoke the truth

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I am on the floor and I am weeping

I am on the floor and I am weeping

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea."—Isak Dinesen

Every day I wake up wondering, “Is this the day the pain will be over?”

As I move out of bed into a new day and bring my awareness to my body, I feel the ache in my left foot and the pain in my hip growing once again.

My shoulders drop, discouraged. No, it hasn’t gone yet. My unwanted constant companion—pain—is still here.

Some days we live side-by-side with more grace than others. Today isn’t one of those days. Today the days, weeks, months of cumulative pain with little respite has stripped me bare.

I am on the floor and I am weeping.

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