I am on the floor and I am weeping

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I am on the floor and I am weeping

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea."—Isak Dinesen

Every day I wake up wondering, “Is this the day the pain will be over?”

As I move out of bed into a new day and bring my awareness to my body, I feel the ache in my left foot and the pain in my hip growing once again.

My shoulders drop, discouraged. No, it hasn’t gone yet. My unwanted constant companion—pain—is still here.

Some days we live side-by-side with more grace than others. Today isn’t one of those days. Today the days, weeks, months of cumulative pain with little respite has stripped me bare.

I am on the floor and I am weeping.

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This moment matters

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This moment matters

"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love—even the most simple action."— Eckhart Tolle

Whilst dreaming of what the future might hold, the places you could go, the things you might see, the things you will do.
Remember, this moment matters.

On the pavement, a grasshopper sits so still as if death has descended. A too close inspection determines it is actually still hopping full of life.

Whilst planning how you might bring those dreams to fruition, what steps you will take and by when you will take them.
Remember, this moment matters.

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The wild spirit in me

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The wild spirit in me

"Like a true nature's child,
We were born, born to be wild."—Mars Bonfire

The wild spirit in me revels in wonder. She experiences magic in every moment, in every breath she feels me inhale, in every thump she feels my heart beat, in every sensation against my skin, in the beauty she witnesses in everyday life. She sees and experiences it all even when I am walking through life a little sleepy or distracted with my eyes down.

The wild spirit in me calls me awake. She summons me to sunsets and to marvel at the muscular trunk of the old gum tree, the tiny grasshopper playing dead on the concrete in front of my feet, the cool sea wrapping its salt around my skin.

The wild spirit in me doesn’t colour inside the lines or outside the lines. She creates her own raw and messy masterpieces then burns them to nothingness. She does not collect things. She has no desire to carry excess baggage with her because all she cares about is the experience of the experience.

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Staying close to the mystery and less planning

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Staying close to the mystery and less planning

“Run from what's comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough. From now on I'll be mad.”—Rumi

It is the eve of the last day of the year and the eve of the eve of the first day of the New Year. In these peaceful days between the celebration of Christmas and new beginnings, many people in my circles are reflecting on the year that has almost completed, and dreaming and planning the year that is about to begin.

I notice some people have given themselves a hard time for all that they set out to achieve in the last year but didn’t. For all the “good” and “positive” ways they wanted to be in the world but weren’t. 

If this is you, I want you to know that you are loved beyond what you have done or haven't done. There is nothing you can do or not do that earns or loses you unconditional love.

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Grief at Christmas and the joy that isn't happiness

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Grief at Christmas and the joy that isn't happiness

"From joy all beings have come.

In all joy beings are sustained.

To joy all beings return.

This is the highest teaching.

This is the highest teaching."

—The Upanishads*

We are now on the eve of Christmas Eve. This time of year is supposed to be filled with joy but for many it isn't. Many experience sadness, grief, loneliness, fear and anxiety and can especially struggle with those feelings during a season of expected festiveness. This I know.

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Homecoming

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Homecoming

So many times over the last few weeks I have sat down to write about what has happened since I left London to drift. Each time I felt like I was in the word version of a snow dome: words and sentences danced around my head but didn't come together to form what I wanted to say.

Sometimes life is messy and chaotic and it doesn't seem to make any sense and we don't have to make sense of it although we may try. So here I am, again, trying.

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Be like driftwood

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Be like driftwood

So when your original plan fails, what do you do next? Do you come up with plan B?

Maybe. 

Or maybe you recognise that it was your human planning and deadline setting and trying to make things happen that resulted in what you experienced in the first place.

Maybe your plan really was as David Whyte says, "...too small for you to live."

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